Monday, November 23, 2009

Gui! Gui! Gone!

The Scene: A back table at Buona Notte. A somber group has gathered to remember a departed colleague

Maxim Lapierre: (clears throat, wipes eyes) Guys, thanks for coming. I really needed some support tonight. I feel like I'm walking off balance. He was always next to me. In the room. On the plane. At the hotel. I'm going to...miss...him...so...(sobs)...MUCH!
Mike Cammalleri: (pats Lapierre on back) Well, you'll be okay, Max. It's just the business. Gui will have a chance to make a new start. Don't you want what's best for him?
Lapierre: Sure. But what about me? Who's going to be my roomie now? I'll be stuck with Laraque, and he'll feed me eggplant chips cooked in I Can't Believe It's Not Butter. Gui always kept a Big Mac in the dresser drawer in case we got hungry late at night. And he was a helluva Parcheesi player. We used to play for cheesies. (sobs) Damn it, Gui! Why couldn't you be more Holmstrom than Lafleur? You big, talented bastard!
Marc-Andre Bergeron: (mumbling to himself) I'm gonna have to do twice the RDS interviews now. Damn, that sucks!
Cammalleri: Well, guys, let's get a round in and we'll talk about our good memories of Gui, okay? (beckons to waitress)
Carey Price: I'll go first. Gui always brought the hottest girls to the parties. (raises glass) To Gui!

All shout: GUI!

Josh Gorges: Me next. Gui let me score more goals by not standing in the crease and getting in the way of my shot. To Gui!

All shout: GUI!

Kyle Chipchura: Gui always made me look fast.

All: GUI!

Sergei Kostitsyn: I go. I thenk heem for my job agen. To Gui!

All: GUI!

Lapierre: Thanks guys. It's good to know I'm not alone. But it's so hard...so...hard. Nobody's gonna miss him more than me.

Heads turn as a disturbance near the front of the restaurant escalates and a familiar voice shrieks in agony in the now-quiet room

Benoit Brunet: Guillaume! NOOOOOOOOO!! Guillaume!!

Eyes swivel back to Lapierre

Lapierre: Okay, well maybe someone will. (gasps) Ah...my foot!
Gorges: What's the matter, man?
Lapierre: It's killing me. I think Gui just woke up from his nap and banged his foot on the corner of the bed. I can feel the pain.
Gorges: Oh, for God's sake! You're not twins!
Lapierre: Oh, hold on guys. I've got a text from Gui! He says he likes Minny so far. The guys are good, and the coach says all he has to do to succeed there is improve his skating a bit and go to the net more. He says no problem.
Cammalleri: See, that's got to make you feel better.
Lapierre: Yeah, he says I'd like it there too, if things don't work out here. That's good to know.
Anyway, you guys were great to come help me work through this. To Gui!

All: Gui! Gui! Gui!


7 comments:

Howard said...

When I stop laughing, I'll join in on the chorus: Gui! Gui! Gui!

Howard said...

But seriously, I think we traded an apple for an apple here. Two chronic underachievers, the upside being that our's was drafted 4th overall and their's 45th.
I hope that JM will be able to get the best out of Benoit Pouliot. He's like a Gui! with speed! At least the statue is gone for five!

DB said...

Kudos to Fletcher and Gainey for making this trade - either could have egg on their face in a few years if the player they traded blossoms and the guy they got doesn't. Though I think the most likely outcome is that both players will be 3rd or 4th liners at best.

Lats reminds me of a guy I had to work with on a project. He talked a good game, but never delivered because he was in over his head. Lats has talked a good game by taking skating lessons and going to Ottawa to work out, but he just doesn't seem to have a head for the game. Whatever the coaches (or Pleks) tells him seems to go in one year and out the other. Any bets that in a few years we'll look back at this trade as a non-event?

Harry said...

I look forward to your comments on the Habs,you are absolutely hilarious....keep doing it please.
Now if we can just find a way to get rid of BGL .........

manu said...

hey JT,
you might get a kick out of this: on this link, you can hear your favorite baldman talk during commercials (as in "he thinks he's off air") with his play by play guy...whatever his name is...
http://www.ustream.tv/channel-popup/abbbbba
Check it out

Nancy said...

LOL! You're brilliant.

Lyse said...

Hilarious!

I've recommended it to mourning Gui fans. I'm sure it will help them...